Are You Safe? February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

Boundaries, Digital Safety, and Where You Can Get Help in St. Louis

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. The goal is clear: help young people recognize healthy relationships, set boundaries, and find support fast. National groups like Love Is Respect provide tools for teens, caregivers, and educators to learn warning signs, plan for safety, and connect with trained advocates.

What Does Violence Look Like in Teen Relationships?

Abuse is not always physical. It can come in the form of controlling texts, location tracking without consent, pressure to share passwords, threats, sexual coercion, or isolating someone from friends and family. Love is Respect created a TDVAM hub that breaks down digital abuse, consent, and safety planning so teens and families know what to watch for and how to respond.

Setting (and Keeping) Boundaries 

What makes you feel safe and respected in your relationships? Have you ever had a friend or partner do something that made you feel a bit off or uncomfortable? Make a list of your non-negotiables in a relationship. These are your boundaries, and they should be sacred to you. Boundaries are the lines that keep you safe and respected. They tell partners what is okay and what is not okay. Strong boundaries are clear, repeated, and backed up with action.

Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries cover touch, time alone, sexual activity, and personal space.

What this looks like:

  • Deciding if you are ready to kiss or have sex
  • Choosing a condom or barrier use every time
  • Saying no to surprise visits or being grabbed
  • Taking breaks during physical contact when you need one

Starter scripts:

  • “I am not ready for sex. Please respect that.”
  • “Condoms every time. If that does not work for you, we can stop.”
  • “No touching me like that. If it keeps happening, I will leave.”

Red flags:

  • Pushing past your no
  • Guilt trips or the expectation to “prove your love”
  • Ignoring pain or discomfort

Emotional Boundaries

Emotional boundaries protect your feelings, values, privacy, and energy. They help you separate your needs from your partner’s moods.

What this looks like:

  • Taking time before answering big questions
  • Keeping some topics private until you feel safe
  • Saying no to insults, yelling, or name-calling
  • Ending a talk that has turned mean and setting a time to try again

Starter scripts:

  • “I need time to think. I will text you tomorrow.”
  • “Do not call me names. If it happens again, I will end the call.”
  • “That topic is private for me right now. Please drop it.”

Red flags:

  • Mocking your feelings
  • Threats of self-harm to control you
  • Love-bombing one day and stonewalling the next

Digital Boundaries

Digital boundaries cover phones, social media, location settings, and private images.

What this looks like:

  • Keeping your passwords and passcodes to yourself
  • Turning off location sharing unless you choose to share it
  • Refusing to send nudes or sexual content
  • Blocking or muting when contact is unhealthy

Starter scripts:

  • “I do not share passwords. That is a privacy rule for me.”
  • “Turn off your location requests. I will not accept them.”
  • “I will not send those photos. Please stop asking.”

Red flags:

  • Pressure to send private images
  • Demands for constant replies and live locations
  • Logging into your accounts without permission

How to Hold Your Boundary

Say it clearly. Repeat it once. Act on it.

The three-step plan:

  1. State the boundary: “Do not track my location.”
  2. Set the consequence: “If you keep asking, I will block you for a week.”
  3. Follow through if the behavior continues.

Repairing After a Crossed Line

If your boundary was crossed and you still want to continue the relationship, ask for change you can measure.

Try this:

  • “You read my messages without permission. If we continue, I need you to stop asking for my phone and to respect my privacy. If it happens again, I will end the relationship.”

When To Get Help

If someone will not respect your boundaries, involve a trusted adult or contact a hotline. Save screenshots, change passwords, and turn off location sharing. You deserve care and safety.

Digital Safety Basics

Tighten privacy settings on phones and social apps. Disable location sharing with anyone who pressures you to “prove” where you are. Use separate passwords for each account, and change them if a relationship ends or if you feel unsafe. Save evidence of threatening messages by screenshotting or exporting chat logs. If you need to reach out for help, a confidential chat with trained advocates can walk you through next steps and safety planning without judgment.

When You Need Medical or Sexual Health Care

After a scary encounter, you might have urgent questions about testing or prevention. Teen-friendly clinics in St. Louis, including Health Stop STL and The SPOT at Washington University, offer confidential HIV and STI testing with rapid results and supportive counseling. Health Stop STL can also connect you to free testing, condoms, PrEP for ongoing HIV prevention, and time-sensitive options like PEP within 72 hours of a possible HIV exposure. If you are unsure where to start, ask for a same-week appointment or a walk-in test.

Supporting a Friend Going Through It

Believe them. Ask what would feel safest today. Offer practical options: sit with them while they text a hotline, go with them to a clinic, or help create a plan for school and home. Share local numbers and save them in your phone so they are ready when needed.

St. Louis Support 

Survivor-centered agencies provide crisis lines, counseling, advocacy, and safety planning at no cost. You do not need insurance or any proof to ask for help. Safe Connections and YWCA Metro St. Louis are long-standing, confidential resources with staff trained in teen dating violence, sexual assault, and technology-facilitated abuse. The Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence maintains statewide connections so you can find services where you live.

If a partner tears down your boundaries, tracks you, or pressures you into sex, that is not love. You deserve respect, privacy, and care. Help is close by.

Resources

National

St. Louis and Missouri

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